The National Association of Recently Current Mac Owners announced a 24-hour mourning period Sunday for anyone who bought an M5 computer before Apple unveiled the M6 Mac mini and caused millions of perfectly fast machines to become psychologically unusable.
The observance began at midnight. Participants were encouraged to lower their screen brightness, close all 38 Safari tabs, and place a black microfiber cloth over the computer they had described as "an absolute beast" less than a week earlier.
Emergency support groups formed in electronics-store parking lots, where recent buyers sat in circles and repeated the phrase "I needed it when I bought it" until the words stopped sounding like a defense.
"Mine still exports video in eleven seconds," said M5 owner Aaron Bell, staring at a benchmark chart on his phone. "But the new one does it in eight, which means I have apparently wasted my life."
Counselors warned that common symptoms include compulsively refreshing trade-in estimates, telling strangers that M5 Pro is technically a different market segment, and opening the return-policy page without moving the cursor.
Patients were advised not to search for side-by-side comparisons for at least 72 hours. Looking at the phrase "up to 4x faster AI performance" during the acute phase of ownership grief could trigger sudden cart activity.
The secondary market filled within hours with listings for "mint condition" M5 systems that had been opened only long enough for their owners to discover the future. One seller noted that the computer remained under warranty and had never once been permitted to finish indexing Spotlight.
Organizers approved an extended grieving period for buyers who upgraded the memory at checkout, saying those customers had invested not only money but a version of themselves that believed 32 gigabytes would finally bring peace.
Retail workers prepared for a week of customers asking whether the M6 was "really worth it" before explaining, in great detail, that they did not want one. Stores placed extra chairs near the trade-in desk.
At press time, Bell had ordered an M6 Mac mini and joined a forum thread asking whether he should cancel it and wait for M7.